The Three-Attitudes

by John Bytheway
April 01, 2002


You know the story. You may have even lived the story. Big family leaves on big trip and leaves something big behind. It's happened to your family, it's happened to my family, and it happened to Lehi and Sariah and their family. "Oh, great. We traveled two hundred miles, but we have to go back and get the plates. You know, the brass ones. Boys, would you please go back and get the plates?"
What's the difference between Nephi and Laman and Lemuel? Notice the different responses to exactly the same request. Laman and Lemuel, say it's too hard: "It is a hard thing which [you] have required" (1 Nephi 3:5). (Today's ordinary teenagers would probably ask, "Is this gonna be fun?") Nephi, however, says, "I will go and do" (1 Nephi 3:7). Same request, opposite attitudes.
In fact, as you go through the Book of Mormon, you'll find that Laman and Lemuel usually ended up doing the same things Nephi did— they just had a bad attitude about it. That "little" difference, that difference in attitude, seemed to be passed down through many generations who felt they were "wronged in the wilderness," and it ended up affecting the destiny of both the Nephite and Lamanite civilizations.
No one wants to be labeled. But whether we like it or not, we label ourselves by our attitudes and actions. Laman and Lemuel labeled themselves, Nephi labeled himself, and every day we label ourselves by the things we say and do.
We give Laman and Lemuel a pretty hard time, but think about it—walking two hundred miles to get something (from someone who doesn't want to give it to you), and then walking another two hundred miles to bring it back is a little inconvenient. And that makes Nephi's "I will go and do" response even more impressive. But it's not just the big things that show what's inside of us. We also tell on ourselves by the little things we do. President David O. McKay shared this interesting little poem in general conference back in 1969:

You tell on yourself by the friends you seek,
By the very manner in which you speak,
By the way you employ your leisure time,
By the use you make of dollar and dime;
You tell what you are by the things you wear,
And even by the way you wear your hair,
By the kind of things at which you laugh,
By the records you play on your phonograph [ancient predecessor of the CD player].
You tell what you are by the way you walk,
By the things of which you delight to talk,
By the manner in which you bury deceit,
By so simple a thing as how you eat.
By the books you choose from the well-filled shelf;
In these ways and more you tell on yourself.
(In Conference Report, October 1969, 87)

As you know, earth life is full of rules, requirements, commandments, dress codes, honor codes, Morse codes, and so on. When someone starts explaining the rules, an amazing thing happens. People begin to "tell on themselves" by their reactions. You'll see obedient, "I-will-go-and-do" types; whining, "It-is-a- hard-thing" types; and everything in between. For now, we're going to narrow the field down to three different groups or attitudes. We'll call them the "three attitudes." (You've heard of the beatitudes? Well, these are the three-attitudes.)


HOW BAD CAN I BE?



I once attended a standards lesson during which anonymous questions were gathered in a shoebox and submitted to a panel of leaders. One of the questions, to our surprise, was, "How far can you go before you have to see the bishop?" Whoa. Nice attitude. Stated another way, the question was, "How bad can I be?" I guess this person wanted to know exactly where "bad" began so he or she wouldn't miss out on anything. A youth asking, "How far can I go before it's bad?" is like asking how deep can I swim before I have to come up for air? The person who asked that question didn't realize that where "bad" really begins is in the attitude, which reveals itself through bad behavior.
One way people show their membership in the "how-bad-can-I-be" group is by their strong reactions to things like dress standards, which are simply an attempt to draw the line on what is acceptable. They want to know exactly where that line is. For instance, they want to know exactly where the knee begins, or where "long hair" begins, so that they can get as close to being in violation of the code as possible and still be admitted to the dance. They may be secretly excited when they can "get away with" something, because that's the attitude: "What can I get away with?"
They tell on themselves another way by choosing music and entertainment that are right on the line as well. They say, "It wasn't that bad," or "I've seen other movies with a better rating that were worse." Once again, they live right next to the danger zone, not realizing that the most dangerous thing is the attitude itself.
They may say things like, "Hey, nobody's perfect"—which is true, but they're not trying to be perfect. They're not even trying to be good! They want to know how bad they can be. Elder Richard J. Clarke commented:
Those who excuse transgressions by saying, "Well, I'm not perfect" may be reminded that conscious sin is a long way from perfection. We would do best to consider this counsel of President Brigham Young. "Be . . . as perfect as [you] can, for that is all you can do. . . . The sin . . . is [not doing] as well as [you know] how" (Journal of Discourses 2:129-30). (Ensign, May 1991, 42)
If you were to ask someone with this attitude why they attend church or seminary, they might respond, "'Cause I have to." I have to do this, I have to do that. They see life as a big set of unfair rules, and obedience is an irritation.



HOW GOOD DO WE HAVE TO BE?



The next group wants to know, "How good do we have to be?" At first, that attitude might sound okay. It's a little better, but not much. Members of this group want to do what they're supposed to do. In fact, if you asked them, "Why do you go to seminary?" They would say, "'Cause I'm post to." (Some people pronounce the word "supposed" as "post.") These are good people. They do what they're "post" to, they go to church and attend meetings. They're willing to be good. Good for them. And, hey, being good is good! But that's all it is— good. It's not great, it's not valiant; it's just, you know, good. Sister Ardeth Kapp said:
It has been my observation, and it is my confession as a former participant, that many people drift along with the crowd in the Church. Many good people drift to sacrament meeting and Sunday School, even family home evening, and they drift through a casual study of the scriptures. . . . [They] step into the mainstream, getting deeply involved with Church activity and floating with the current, comfortable with a sense of false security that they are in the right place. (In Woman to Woman: Selected Talks from the BYU Women's Conferences [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1986], 53; emphasis added)
"See, here I am, bein' good, doin' what I'm post to. Call me the post- man, 'cause I do what I'm post to." Yup. It's good to be good, but it's better to be better than good.
Now, here's the problem. Sometimes, for this group, being good has its limits. They wouldn't want to go too far. I was once asked by a Young Women leader to challenge a group of teens to give up a certain TV show named after a zip code. We discussed the thirteenth Article of Faith, "If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things." After realizing that many television programs failed to fit in those categories, most of the youth pres ent willingly accepted my challenge. Some had uncomfortable looks on their faces. One girl whispered to her friend, "I want to be good, but I don't want to be that good." Ouch. Can you see how dangerous that attitude is? Yes indeed. Heaven forbid we become too good— we might get too many blessings. Elder Carlos E. Asay told the young men in a priesthood session of general conference:
There is a lie— a vicious lie— circulating among the Latter-day Saints and taking its toll among the young. And it is that a "balanced man" is one who deliberately guards against becoming too righteous. (Ensign, May 1992, 41)
Yeah, we wouldn't want to be a Molly Mormon or a Sammy Seminary (I believe heaven will be full of Mollys and Sams). Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin taught:
[Some] claim to be obedient to God's commandments but do not feel at all uncomfortable about purchasing food at the store on Sunday and then asking the Lord to bless it. Some say they would give their lives for the Lord, yet they refuse to serve in the nursery. The Savior spoke very explicitly about people who "draw near to me with their mouth, and with their lips do honour me, but have removed their heart far from me." (Ensign, November 1992, 35)
But President Ezra Taft Benson said we need to be more than just good:
We have too many potential spiritual giants who should be more vigorously lifting their homes, the kingdom, and the country. We have many who feel they are good men, but they need to be good for something— stronger patriarchs, courageous missionaries, valiant genealogists and temple workers, dedicated patriots, devoted quorum members. [Okay, here's my favorite part:] In short, we must be shakened and awakened from a spiritual snooze. (Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1988], 403-4; emphasis added)
Too many people continually hit the snooze button on the clock radio of their personal spirituality. They hear the alarm, but they say, "I'll be better someday, but for now, I don't wanna be too good, I'll just snooze. Someday I'll start a scripture study program, someday I'll say my daily prayers, someday I'll do what I'm post to, but not now. I'll just snooze for a while."
If we don't want to be in the "How-bad-can-I-be" group, or the "How-good- am-I-post-to-be" group, then where should we be? It's time to talk about the third attitude, and you, my friend, know all about this group. It's the group where you can find fine teenagers like you.
I WANT TO BE VALIANT!
I love this group, and you're in it! This group doesn't ask, "How bad can I be?" They have absolutely no interest in what is bad. And good isn't enough for them, either. They want something better than good. Their question is on a higher plane: "Is it valiant? Is it better than average? Is it high class? That's where I want to be. That's where I belong. I want to be valiant." No one has to remind these young people about rules. No one has to tell these young men they need a necktie at the sacrament table, or these young women exactly where their knee is. They carry their desire to please their Heavenly Father everywhere they go. Like the others, they tell on themselves. The quality of their spirit shines brightly through their attitude.
Valiant people have no problem with dress codes. They usually agree with them. And even if they don't agree, they follow them anyway. That's the way valiant people are. They're more interested in being obedient than in knowing all the reasons for the rules. They get up on Sunday morning and think to themselves, "What should I wear today? Then they ask one more question: What does the Lord deserve? He deserves the best. Yeah, that's it. Sunday best." Valiant young women dress carefully because they realize they can attract young men in one of two ways: to themselves, or to their bodies; to who they are inside, or to how they look on the outside. They also realize that inner beauty is more, yes, more powerful in the long run than external beauty will ever be.
If you were to ask an "is-it-valiant" type teenager, "Why do you go to seminary?" they would give you that "what-a-strange-question" look and answer, "Because I want to. I love it. It's the best part of my day." And when they get to seminary, they stay awake, and they stay focused. They don't expect to be entertained. They expect to learn! And they don't just listen to their instructor, they help their instructor by being involved in the class. They are always part of the solution, and never part of the problem.
"Is-it-valiant" teenagers are missionaries from the moment they get up in the morning. Just being around them makes you want to be better. President David O. McKay said:
Every man and every person who lives in this world wields an influence, whether for good or for evil. It is not what he says alone; it is not alone what he does. It is what he is. Every man, every person radiates what he or she really is. . . . It is what we are and what we radiate that affects the people around us. (Man May Know for Himself, comp. Clare Middlemiss [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1967], 108)
You just can't hide it when you're valiant! It radiates!
If you want to be valiant, and you need a model to follow, think about Jesus. Jesus was a teen at one time. We have very little information about his teenage years. All we really have is summed up in one scripture: "And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man" (Luke 2:52).
Imagine what the Savior was like when he was young. Think how he would have "radiated." Next time you wonder how to live your life, think about being the kind of young person Jesus must have been. He would have been valiant— obedient to his parents, a good worker, and kind and respectful to everyone. Valiant people focus on the Savior and try to live the words of the Primary song:



So, little children,


Let's you and I


Try to be like him,


Try, try, try.


(Children's Songbook, 55)



Did Jesus ever ask, "How bad can I be?" or "How good am I supposed to be?" Did he do things because he had to, or because he was supposed to? Let's ask President Howard W. Hunter:
[Jesus] was perfect and sinless, not because he had to be, but rather because he clearly and determinedly wanted to be. (Ensign, November 1976, 19)
Why is it so important to be valiant? Well, those in the terrestrial kingdom are described like this:
These are they who are not valiant in the testimony of Jesus; wherefore, they obtain not the crown over the kingdom of our God. (D&C 76:79; emphasis added)
Like Nephi, Laman, and Lemuel, you will find that much of your life and your eternal destiny will be determined by your attitude. We'll talk more as this semester continues about being valiant, about having our hearts changed so that we sincerely want to be valiant, all the time. And now that you've been introduced to the three attitudes, tuck them away in your mind because we'll be referring to them again.
We'll close with an appeal from President Howard W. Hunter:
We must know Christ better than we know him; we must remember him more often than we remember him; we must serve him more valiantly than we serve him. . . . What manner of men and women ought we to be? Even as he is. (Ensign, May 1994, 64; emphasis added)
Well, you've told on yourself again, because you just finished First Period. You must be reading this book because you want to. You must be one of those valiant ones, because you want to learn! So, my fellow Nephi, let's "go and do" Second Period—not because we have to, or because we're post to, but because we want to.